i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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