12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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