Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
