how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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