I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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