ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
