he thought i was a dude.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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