WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
