JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
