if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
