He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
