tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
