And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
