Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize