i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
