I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize