dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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