you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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