I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
