youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
