Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
