I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
