My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
