a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize