i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
