There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
