I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Houston, we have a squirter
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
