I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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