**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
