I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize