He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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