My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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