Redeem this text for a blowjob
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
