Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
