wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
