I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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