How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
