Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
