i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
