So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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