watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
