Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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