the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Let's get the cat blown out
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
