Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize