I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
