I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
