I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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