hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
