Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
