Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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