I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
