Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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