your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
