Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
