Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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