so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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