so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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