look no pants
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
