yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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