Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
