I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
