I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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