no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
