someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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