he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
