So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize