He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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