I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
