your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
