you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize