I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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