ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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