that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I wish there were birth control emojis
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
