Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
