Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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