Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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