so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
