I just saw a hot homeless man
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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