Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
