Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
