Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
