Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
