You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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