Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
