i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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