ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
