allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize