i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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