just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
