And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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