Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
