i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
