I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize