Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i used baking grease as lip gloss
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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