I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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