I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
