Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
