I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
