it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
