You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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