I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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