If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
