it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
