She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize