Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
