Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
