Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
